just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Let the clothes fall where they may.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
