Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
