respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
