I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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