I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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