I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
