Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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