party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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