Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
