Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
