My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
