found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
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Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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