Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
