I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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