Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
