You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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