I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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