apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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