No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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