Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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