I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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