i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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