I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
