Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
