we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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