Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
