I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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