Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
