Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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