this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
