mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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