Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
