so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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