I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
