He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
