shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
