Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
