Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
