we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
