apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
