I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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