so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
