Just fell off a train. Bad.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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