Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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