and she was petting her beer can
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
