Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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