so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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