only if we run a train.
done.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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