Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
