What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
