She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
