TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
