I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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